Tomrrow I will pray for energy (take 2)

When Tavish walked into the kitchen, he immediately said, "Watch out, all of this electricity can be very dangerous."  I think he even held his hand back to keep his little sister from getting too close.


But I think the proximity to that which is dangerous appeals to me somehow.  Sure, I'm glad that in a couple weeks, my kitchen will be finished, but I also have liked seeing it naked, plastered over, revamped.  There are circuits where there once were none.


Wouldn't that be the best thing that could happen to us?  To me?  Exposed wire.  A little jingle in the fingertips.  I didn't expect fifty to feel like it does; I am somehow younger than I imagined.  But I am also coated over.  Tiled over.  Caulked up.  Grounded, not in a good way. 


I have become a little distant from my life and that maybe even more dangerous than a live circuit within a quick reach.


Hmmm, even when I was writing this last night, it did not feel right.  Like I had a moment with Tavish, a cool picture of an outlet, then I was trying to force a story.  My fingers did not want to type.  They would rest, in rebellion, on my desk, then reluctantly and poorly strike the letters.  So many write/deletes.  So many spelling errors.

When I awakened today, I was even more aware of the fact that I was trying to force an OLD story onto an image. No wonder my fingers did not want to type.  They knew I was telling a lie. 

That must happen all of the time. Me forcing old stories onto my very alive and living life.

All I really should have written was this:

When Tavish walked into the kitchen, he immediately said, "Watch out, all of this electricity can be very dangerous."  Then he held his hand back to keep his little sister from getting too close.  She nodded and stepped back, at 4, believing his love would always save her.

That's it.  That's the moment.  That's the thing I saw and it had nothing to do with me.

From now on, and I feel like I should raise my right hand old school Girl Scout style,  I pledge to see the story and tell the story.  Nothing more. Nothing less.  No false tendrils to me.  No attachment to who I used to believe I was.  Or who I limit myself being.