the juice

Just heard that Al and Tipper Gore are getting divorced and for some unclear reason, I feel sad. Al and Tipper Gore? After 40 years of marriage? How can that be?

I get it. People drift apart. They say they are leading separate lives. And maybe they just know the juice is gone and it ain't coming back.

I had to call ATT U-verse (again) today because my service was down and in some distant city -- maybe even a different continent -- my technician was able to reboot my system. The modem went down, the green lights stopped flashing, and then, after a short while, it all started flashing again. The internet was back up. My telephone had a signal. I could leap from channel to channel on my tv.

I wish I could do the same with my life. Call up some 1-800 number and say that I am not getting a signal. There is only silence on the other end of the line. Then someone, somewhere, could punch in the code that would make the lights start flashing again. Make the fiberoptic spark within.

Reboot my body. Reboot my belief that it will all work out. That I will find her; that she will find me. Reboot my courage. To leave my job to do the thing I am itching to do. Reboot my sense of humor somedays. Reboot my gentleness. My patience. Reboot my ability, maybe, to accept it -- accept this -- and search not for the things that are lacking, but sit in my life and feel the juice. The juice I forget is in me.